Abstracts from a Dictionary of Useful Research Phrases

  1. "It has long been known that..."
    I didn't look up the original reference.

  2. "A definite trend is evidentů"
    These data are practically meaningless.

  3. "Of great theoretical and practical importance..."
    Interesting to me.

  4. "While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to these questions..."
    An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published.

  5. "Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study..."
    The results of the others didn't make any sense.

  6. "Typical results are shown..."
    The best results are shown.

  7. "These results will be shown in a subsequent report..."
    I might get around to this sometimes if I am pushed.

  8. "The most reliable results are those obtained by Jones..."
    He was my graduate assistant.

  9. "It is believed that..."
    I think.

  10. "It is generally believed that..."
    A couple of other guys think so too.

  11. "It is clear that additional work will be required before a complete understanding of the phenomena occurs..."
    I don't understand it.

  12. "Correct within an order of magnitude..."
    Wrong.

  13. "It is hoped that this study will stimulate further investigation in this field..."
    This is a lousy paper, but so are all others on this miserable topic.

  14. "Thanks are due to Joe Blotz for assistance with the experiment and to George Frick for valuable discussion..."
    Blotz did all the work and Frick explained to me what it meant.

  15. "A careful analysis of the obtained data..."
    Three pages of original notes were obliterated when I knocked over a beer.

  16. "A statistically oriented projection of the significance of the findings..."
    Wild guess.

  17. "A highly significant area for exploratory study..."
    A totally useless topic selected by my committee.